either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
