For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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