I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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