how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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