Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
