I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
