I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
