I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
