I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
