So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
