im six kinds of drunk right now
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
