I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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