saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
