like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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