Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
