he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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