I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Randomize
