Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
