I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
