I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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