Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
