She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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