He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
