there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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