My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
