she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize