"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
