About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
