we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
