Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
