Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The air was thick with penises
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
