If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
