Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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