I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
