goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
