I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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