im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
