I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
