Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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