dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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