Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
where are my eyebrows?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
