also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
