Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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