yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
