if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Where did you get a picture of my penis
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Let's get the cat blown out
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
