I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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