He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
