Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
