Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize