I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
