I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
