How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
