Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Less talking, more tequila
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
