I puked a lego.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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