help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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