Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize