Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we made out on top of his cat.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
