Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
