Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize