you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
