That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
