Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
