She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
