We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
