Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize