Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
