YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
