matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
