she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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