There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
