It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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