We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize