I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So squirting runs in the family.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
