yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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