Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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