Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
