I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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