Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
