Someone shit on the floor
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
