He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize