my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
