Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize