I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize