i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
