My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You just made me feel so damn special
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Houston, we have a squirter
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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