I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
