We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
