Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
