my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
