I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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