Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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