What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
