I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
