Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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