I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
