if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
