the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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