I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
