Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
