all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
