He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
