she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
