I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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