Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
