Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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