The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
