Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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