yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize