Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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