Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
