Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Acid is not a monday night drug
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
