YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
