I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
