I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
